why do i have to beg you to hang out with me? why do you always forget our plans? you say you care about me but i’m always getting forgotten. I’m so sick of this shit you know? like i drive over there to help you and be with you and spend time with you but Goddammit i ask for one night and you can’t even give me that?! you can’t even make it home to see me when I’m there, and you can’t put in the extra half an effort to see me when I’m not. fuck you and your inconsiderate ways. i don’t believe that you really care. i don’t believe that you really give a fucking shit you stupid idiot.
Recently I was talking to my friend in Oregon when she made a comment about Californians being more beautiful than people in other states. Really? You live close enough to the Golden State to know that those stereotypes aren’t true. Like beyond that state borderline lies magic in them there hills? I would expect that from the people I’ve met from Kansas, Tennessee, or even New York. But not you hipster neighbor state, not you.
Yet at that point I feel obligated to give these people what they expect from us Cali Girls! Fuck yeah I go to L.A. all the time…never mind we are in a God damn recession and its 8 hours away. Yeah I surf and smoke pot and do all that tanning shit…because we are all rich, coordinated, skin cancer-loving hippies. Just because we are blessed to be a few hours away from the desert, the mountains, or the beach doesn’t mean we are any better than the rest of America…
But in a way I wish those stereotypes were all true. Like all New Yorkers were just angry chain-smoking-taxi-hailing-cursing Italians. They are all walking around in high heels and designer jackets going to their important jobs as magazine editors or whatever it was Rachel Greene from “Friends” did. But then again the assumption that people from the south are barefoot, illiterate, banjo-playing bible thumpers is offensive…funny, but still offensive. I know they say stereotypes exist for a reason, but at what point do we attribute them to overly generalized 80’s movies?
Look, all I’m saying is make fun of these typecasts all you want, just be aware they’re not guaranteed to be 100% accurate. But when they are accurate it makes it that much more hilarious! Like when a person wearing fake Ray-Bans, skinny jeans, and TOMS criticizes cooperate America while sipping on Starbucks. Humor just waiting to happen. Have fun.